Thursday, February 16, 2017

Tired

The 9 months of not getting very good sleep has really been hitting me the last 2 weeks. Richard has always generally been a good sleeper. He wses up about once a night, but that once a night is killing me. I usually get up early, go to work feel good and motivated and then once i come home and 1-4 pm  hits i am exhausted. Anyone else feel this? I have tried to take naps, but napping usually makes me more tired and grouchy. The horrid time hits and I have no energy to do anything. I want to sleep, but I know it will be worse when I wake up. Our meals have been slacking, I try and do chores and I get them halfway done and can't finish. I think the answer to all of this is just going to bed earlier. Anyone else have good advice?!

Saturday, February 4, 2017

What Happened?

What happened to love and kindness? What happened to the thought of we are all unique, we bring different strengths and weaknesses to the board and we all accept each other?
I have been quite distraught at the things that I have seen the last couple of weeks on social media, as I am sure everyone else has too.
Not by what the President has put out or by the things that celebrities who think that they are higher or have power of us, but of the things that people on my level, my friends, have said and how they have acted. Because of this, I have deleted my Facebook, because it wasn't doing anything positive or my life. It wasn't making me feel better, and wasn't making me think better. If anything it was making me sick, and angry to read things that people say to each other whether it is hurtful or not because they thought that their thinking was the only correct way.
The main thing I can't get off of my mind the last week and I have expressed to Michael many times is, these people would not say these things to the recipients face. (well maybe some would, but they need a filter :)) These people are hiding behind a keyboard putting people down for their beliefs, their looks, their religion and they think they can because know one see's them physically. They are hiding, or so they think.
I have been contemplating and thinking about this the last week and while I was going to pick Michael up yesterday at work, I saw the sunset and the freeway backed up filled with people who all had one goal in mind, to get somewhere. It made me think of everyone here, we are all here put on this place called Earth to figure out how to survive. We are ALL desperately wanting and craving love, friendship, closeness, respect, and acceptance. I don't know one person who doesn't want any of those things. We all have the same feelings of, struggles, fears, hardships etc. they may not be the same from person to person, but we all experience the emotions of it. Donald Trump doesn't have the fear of financial problems as Michael and I do, but Donald Trump has the hardship of being over a country and having millions of people hating him. I don't care about what he has done, but can you imagine if you had that many people hating you and comparing you to a man that killed 6 million Jews? (which I think is extremely disrespectful and rude, but I can see people could think that) I am sure that is a hardship for him. (people say he has an ego that wouldn't be affected, but seriously he isn't emotion less)
I become really frustrated with Michael sometimes because I ask his opinion on certain political topics, and his answer is, he doesn't have one. He doesn't know enough of each side of the story to form a answer that he is comfortable to stand with.  Does anyone have the FULL understanding of things, of both sides of the coin or is your opinion skewed?  He talks about how people are so emotionally attached to their opinion that anything that is contrary to that is wrong and shouldn't be understood. He never will claim himself as a republican or a democrat, because there are good to both things, he doesn't believe full republican and he doesn't believe full democratic, because each have good qualities that can build off of each other. I hope and strive to be like Michael.
I have been thinking of how to write this post for the last two weeks and I hope that I have been able to portray, that we are all humans. We all cry, suffer, and crave understanding. No one thought is correct whether you think it is or it isn't. I have tried the last two weeks to understand, to not judge, to see people for who they are and to see them as the Savior see's them which is perfect love. I am so excited for February to focus on love because the World needs it. Love is what lasts and builds people up.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Where I'm From

I had to do this poem for my education english class and I had a lot of fun coming up with it. Enjoy!


I am from the big red rocks in Southern Utah.
From ballet shoes, and gigga pets
I am from the split level brick home at the bottom of a large hill.
It was always filled with laughter.
I am from mulberry trees and volcanic rocks.
Where only plants that required little water could grow.
I’m from the game and music filled home.
From Tracie and glen and my 4 older siblings.
I’m from the tradition enthusiasts and where family is everything.
From being told to be kind and where hard work is the key to success.
I’m from a very religious home who goes to church every week and lives our religion everyday.
From Danish decent who traveled to America for religion.
From Danish pancakes and root beer freezes.
From a man long ago who fought for religion and was in Carthage Jail with the first prophet of our church.
The walls held precious photos that held memories from the past.
I am from a family that taught that marriage and a family is the goal. These teachings lead me to the life that I live now.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

2017, The Year of The New

2016 was a dream year for Michael and I. It was the year of many firsts, the year of ups and downs but overall a great one. We gained the biggest blessing life has to offer, our sweet Richard. He has brought us so much happiness and love that I could never dream of having. The love that I have for my sweet Richard is just a glimpse of how much the Savior loves us. 2016 was a year full of learning. Learning how to care for this fragile, tender new baby while juggling school and work. Learning how to better cook on a stove that only two burners worked on and an oven that only the top burner worked. Learning how to find myself and especially learning and choosing to be happy.
After I had Richard, I had experienced a lot of sadness and fear. Everyone talks about the actual birth of a baby and how grueling it can be, but I didn't hear a lot about the recovery and months following birth. I cannot complain because I had about the easiest physical recovery ever, but the emotional side of recovery was not the easiest. Satan uses his power to make us feel low, to make us feel like we aren't good enough, to make us just plain scared and sad. The days after I had Richard were some of the lowest days that I never want to go back to and that is because I allowed Satan to enter my thoughts about the situation. I think it is perfectly normal for women to have hormonal emotions and all of that, but for me personally it was because I let my thoughts wander.
I had a healthy baby there, and yet, Satan used my experience of giving birth and tried to make it a negative and scary thing. I do believe that because I wasn't prepared emotionally and physically for the type of birth experience that I had, that I do have a little "trauma" related with it. Of course I would do it all over again to get the amazing blessing that Richard is, but that doesn't mean that hard things didn't come with it. For the last couple of months, I had to figure out how to be happy again, to figure out what I wanted out life and what my goals were for my future, my family etc. This didn't just come over night, this was months of thinking, pondering, reading the scriptures and praying about. So as I was thinking about the goals that I want to set for 2017, the main topics that I am working on is bettering myself. Plain and simple. No intense long goals, just finding things that make me happy. Finding things that challenge me, things that help me grow or discover new talents. I am focusing on bringing things into my home that only allow me to be the greatest person I can be. So with this, I can be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend. Heavenly Father wants you to be happy. He doesn't want you to completely forget about yourself and submerge yourself in pleasing and working for others. He wants you to figure out yourself, so that way you can then be the best servant for him. So with your new goal setting, I challenge everyone to at least set one goal aside to just yourself, not your family, your work, your house, just you. This may seem a little self centered, but with all that I have thought and gone through, it is okay to be a little self centered and to care for yourself. So cheers to a new year, a new chance to find things so that we can be truly happy.

Monday, May 30, 2016

1 month baby update

How can my little boy be 1 month old on friday?! People always said that time flies by when you have a kid so cherish every moment and they are right. He already seems so much bigger and not an tiny newborn. So far we have figured out that he
Loves:
-snuggles with anybody that will snuggle
-to eat
- to sleep! He has been such a good sleeper so far. He usually wakes up 3 times a night and then goes right back down
- his hands right by his face at all time
-to sleep with his hands in a u shape by his head( as you will be able to tell with the pictures)
-loves to look at ceiling fans, whether they are running or not he loves them.

With loves comes dislikes!
-he hates being messed with. I think this is all babies, but if he doesn't want to be messed with and you do, he will let us know he doesn't care for it.
-he hates baths. I think there has been 1 bath since we have brought him home that he hasn't had a compete melt down for.
-not a big fan of getting his diaper changed
-Hates being hungry even the slightest. Most babies do, but this kid loves to eat.

We are seriously so blessed! Richard is such an amazing baby. He is so content and the only time he cries is when he is either tired or hungry. He loves to just hang out with us and be held. Even then, he instantly stops crying when you either pick him up, or you're done with what he doesn't like.




 Naps like these are quite often around thus house



Sunday, May 22, 2016

Richard Michael sauceda birth story

In honor of it being my due date, and our boy being 3 weeks old, I thought it would he a fun idea to share my birth story with people who would even care to read it. :) get ready for a long story!

The whole process started on Sunday morning when I was driving to church and I had told Michael I hadn't felt the baby kick that morning which was quite unusual. I just shrugged it off and didn't think anything of it because this kid didn't move that much to begin with. I left church early (to get dinner ready for 2 of our couple friends who were coming over that night and also because at this point in my pregnancy, my ribs in my back hurt so bad I couldn't sit down for very long at all without being In  tears). This day was non stop going for me and so I didn't really have much time to think about feeling him kick. Our friends came over and after they left, it came back to my mind and I kind of got worried then. I had been feeling full contractions  (not really Braxton hicks) for a good couple of weeks and even those stopped the whole day. I called my mom and mother in law and both said to lay down for a while drink a sugary drink and wait. So I got some dr.  pepper (which I hadn't drank my whole pregnancy and it was divine) and nothing, no kicks. We got a little worried and everyone said for us to go get checked. It was already around 9 pm and we didn't want to wait much longer so, Better safe than sorry. we left our house with nothing but my phone charger and made our way to the hospital.
We got there,they hooked me up and everything was looking good. About an hour into it, all of a sudden Michael and I realize the babies heart rate dropped down to 50's from 140's for a good 10 seconds and the nurses came running in and that's when I knew I was in this for the long haul. They obviously said they didn't like that and so then we had to stay for 2 more hours. After the 2 hours the babies heart rate stayed up so the nurse came in and told me to get dressed and that we were going to go home. I had my pants on and the doctor came in and said put your robe back on you are staying. She said I had 2 options. 1. I could get induced because I was 37 weeks which is considered full term or 2. I could stay and get monitored for 24 hours. (The main reason I got a midwife at the start of pregnancy is because I wanted more natural AND DID NOT WANT TO GET INDUCED) so I went with option 2. I was upset but knew that that was the safest thing to do. I moved to another room and it's about 2 am at this point so Michael goes home and got good sleep. Me on the other hand got about an hour total. I was so sick of the hospital at this point because even going to the bathroom was such a pain with all of the chords I had to carry around. As I was getting back into bed from going to the bathroom, his heart rate dropped again. This happened again as I was getting into bed a couple of hours later. After the second one of the day, another doctor came in and said you are not going home because we don't feel comfortable with this, so we are basically making the decision and we are going to induce you I automatically was nerves and very very emotionl. Throughout this whole thing I hadn't talked to my midwife at all and was kind of needing her guidance. It just happened to be that she was delivering babies all day and was right down the hall.
SIDE NOTE: about halfway through my pregnancy, my blood work came back with my blood platelet count at about 120. This kind of had my midwife worried so around month 8 she had me re-do my blood work and my platelet count went down to 90's Then dropped down to 70's by the time I was in the hospital. This was not good because to get any pain medication, your platelet count has to be above 100. So 2 days before I went into the hospital, I got put on steroids to help boost the levels so I could get an epidural. HENCE WHY I WAS FREAKED OUT TO GET INDUCED BECAUSE I KNEW THAT I WAS DOING THIS ALL NATURAL.(end of side note)
My midwife came in and calmed me down and said they would put me on a steroid through my iv to see if my numbers would go up fast.( I had the iv in me for 4 1/2 days not fun) They were around 80's at this point. I went up to labor and delivery and got to eat my last meal! The anesthesiologist came in and said the steroids didn't help and that an epidural was a no go. I cried and cried. This happened to also be when Michael had run home to get some things and so I bawled to my nurse. From this point on, I knew that I had to think positive and anybody i talked to had to be positive. They started me on pitocin around 9 pm. I was already at a 3 with 80% effacement when I came into the hospital . I called my friend who loves natural birth and is very knowledgeable to come and help me with some breathing techniques and her husband came as well to help Michael give me a comfort blessing. They came and it was an ultimate life saver. After they left I was feeling set( little did I know). I was feeling good, we went and walked around for a while which was a huge pain because I had so many monitors hooked up to me but loved getting out of bed. Every 30 minutes they up the amount of pitocin until you get to a 20. Right before we tried to sleep I got to a 20 and they let you just sit there for about an hour. It was around 1 am and this is when I started to feel it. It was mostly in my back and not much was helping. It got worse and worse and I had her check me and I was at a 4 and I also had a bloody show. This was a good sign!! About 20 minutes later, I sat up in my bed and my water broke. I was so glad it broke on its own and they didn't have to break it! As soon as my water broke the contractions kicked in about double in intensity. I had to go to the restroom and of course this is when they got so bad I couldn't move until the contractions were over. All I knew was that I could not go lay down on that bed again and so they got the exercise ball out and I labored on that. My contractions were about 15 seconds apart the whole time which meant not a whole lot of a break. This was around 2:30 am. I bounced on the ball while Michael rubbed my lower back. He was a lifesaver. I was in a lot of pain and my nurse felt so bad because there was nothing I could have. After about an hour I went from a 4 to a 7  and after I was at a 7 she said I had to get off the ball. Worst news all night. They called my midwife and she didn't think anything of it because you can be at a 7 for a while. After this each contraction felt stronger and stronger. I went on my hands and knees because I had heard that was comfortable. The worst decision ever. This was the most intense pressure I have felt in my whole entire life. I couldn't do much during a contraction but just groan through the pain which then meant Michael and the nurse yelling at me to breathe. Breathing seemed to be inpossible. Did I say there was a LOT OF PRESSURE?! I was very very uncomfortable. Around 4 am I had to lay down and the nurse knew that there was not much time left until he came out. She grabbed a doctor from the hall and as a contraction came the doctor said no wonder I was feeling so much pressure because his head was right there. My midwife was still 15 minutes away and there was no way she was going to make it. This point there seemed to be no break in between contractions and there was no stopping this pushing. Because of no break, I could not make it down to the bottom of the bed and so the doctor basically had to get on the bed to deliver richard. :) I pushed about 5 times and then our worst nightmare happened. His heart rate dropped and kept dropping and everyone panicked. The doctors started talking about emergency c section but obviously that wouldn't work. More nurses came in, one on the phone with the nicu, one putting an oxygen mask on my face and Michaels voice instantly went from supportive and strong to fear. Everyone was yelling at me to push as hard as I can before his heart rate just stops. I only had to push a couple of more  times and his head was out and the  doctor pulled him out the rest of the way. The pressure was so intense while pushing that I didn't feel much pain. I was completely out of it and my nurse had to nudge me to open my eyes because my baby was right there. They put him on me and everything was perfect! He was perfect. He didn't take him away to clean him, they left him on me for an hour and wiped him off the best they could. I didn't tare as bad as I thought and they then numbed me down there to stitch me up  (yes after I had the baby they numbed me a little bit)
 as soon as I saw my boy I knew that his name was supposed to be Richard. Richard is my grandpa's name who recently passed away, he also married Michael and I and he was truly one of my heros. I knew that my 3 grandparents were on the other side helping me through that, especially my grandpa Richard. After an hour I was up moving around which is something that I loved about not having an epidural. Richard was also wide awake for his first two hours which I also loved. My labor was the most intense thing I have and probably will ever have to endure, but I did it and I got a sweet boy out of it and so I would do it again in a heart beat. I love my little family!